3 Crucial Conversations to Have in Therapy Before Saying “I Do”

When you’re in a relationship that’s heading toward marriage, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of wedding planning and daydreaming about your future together. But before you dive into the big day, have you considered the deeper conversations that lay the foundation for a healthy, lasting marriage?

Therapy for pre-marriage couples isn’t just for couples experiencing problems—it’s an investment in your relationship's long-term success. Think of it like pre-season training before an important game. You wouldn’t show up to a championship match without proper preparation, and you shouldn’t enter marriage without taking time to make sure you and your partner are aligned on key issues. Therapy provides a safe space to talk openly about your habits, fears, and dreams.

Here are the top three things every couple should discuss in detail before walking down the aisle:

1. Money Matters: Your Financial Values and Goals

Money is not exactly the most romantic topic, but it’s one of the biggest stressors in relationships. Not because there may not be enough money to get through a month, but rather, because couples have different ideas about how to manage the family finances. Are you sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to spending, saving, and budgeting? Do you have similar financial goals for the future (homeownership, travel, retirement)? 

In your sessions, dive into questions like:

• How do we feel about debt? Is one person a spender and the other a saver?

• Should we combine finances or keep them separate?

• What’s our plan for big-ticket purchases or future investments?

  
  

Talking about money early on will help prevent misunderstandings and set expectations about how you’ll manage finances together as a couple.

2. Communication Styles: How Do You Talk to Each Other?

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, and therapy is a great way to identify how you both communicate under stress. Do you withdraw when there’s conflict, or are you quick to confront each other? Do you both feel heard during disagreements, or is it easy for one person’s voice to get drowned out?

A therapist can help you both understand each other’s communication styles and teach you strategies for handling difficult conversations. This could be the difference between resolving an issue calmly and letting it snowball into something bigger. A few questions to ask yourselves:

• Do we know how to discuss sensitive topics without escalating tensions?

• Do we feel comfortable expressing both needs and concerns?

• How do we handle conflict, and can we improve our approach?

  
  

Remember, learning to communicate effectively isn’t about always agreeing; it’s about understanding and respecting each other’s perspectives, especially when things get tough.

3. Expectations Around Family, Children, and Roles

Marriage doesn’t just involve the two of you; it often extends to your families, social circles, and eventually, children. Before committing to forever, it’s crucial to understand how you both envision your future. This includes discussions around how you’ll balance careers and household responsibilities, as well as your approach to raising children.

Key questions might include:

• What are our individual expectations around career growth and family life?

• Do we both want children? If so, how many, and when?

• How do we feel about sharing responsibilities (childcare, housework, decision-making)?

• How will we handle family dynamics (both yours and mine)?

  
  

These conversations are often tricky, but having them before marriage will help you manage any surprises and avoid tension when these big life decisions come up.

Why Therapy Before Marriage Works

While these topics can seem daunting, addressing them in therapy provides a structured, supportive environment to work through any potential obstacles. Having a neutral third party (your therapist) guide the conversation can help ensure that both partners feel heard, and that any sensitive topics are approached with respect and understanding.

Remember, the goal isn’t to have all the answers right away—it’s to understand each other’s perspectives, create a shared vision for the future, and learn the skills to navigate challenges together. It’s not about finding flaws in your relationship; it’s about strengthening it now to ensure it lasts.

Pre-marriage therapy is about building a solid foundation for the life you want to share. So, before you say "I do," make sure you’ve had the conversations that will help your relationship thrive long after the wedding day.

Share this article with your partner and start the conversation about exploring therapy together, now is the perfect time. Make sure you’re both in alignment on the big issues so you can enjoy the journey ahead—together!

And if you’re ready, book an an appointment here. Our relationship therapist would love to meet you both.

Written by Cate Millar,

Cate is a brand communication and expansion specialist at The Love Collective. Cate is passionate about helping support people in interpersonal relationships, with a focus on the romantic kind.